Christmas Contradictions in Capitalism

If you are struggling with the contradictions in capitalism this Christmas spare a thought for those of us on the left. We hate colonialism but subsidise immigration. We hate Australia day but can’t cope without running water. We believe in human rights except for the unborn. We hate racism and the Russians. We believe that ‘love is love’ but we reserve the right to bully and abuse anyone who dares to contradict us. We care about children, we just don’t think they have a right to a father. We hate Christianity because it is patriarchal and heteronormative, but we celebrate Islam. We believe that marriage is an oppressive patriarchal institution but we think homosexuals should have it. We stand up for minority rights, except for Christians. We think all races are equal but we don’t think white people should have children. We want gender diversity, but not thought diversity. We want gender equality but not for men. We oppose domestic violence and the objectification of women, but we think pornography is liberating. We think homosexuality is fixed but gender is fluid. We don’t believe gender or race is real but we define our politics around it. We believe in free sexual expression but not free verbal expression. We cannot cope with being offended, but we reserve the right to libel, mock and ridicule those who differ from us. We are violent but we are victims.  We hate capitalism but we despise the working class. We oppose discrimination, but believe that everything bad in the world is somehow the fault of a white man somewhere. We think that to make things fair for everyone we have to control everything.  Because we have the truth we have the right to impose it. Our love is conditional on your obedience.  Now shut up and get in line.